Making fun of Bob Brown.

Someone, somewhere, made the claim: "When the ABC commies fun of Bob Brown, etc - then I'll believe there's no bias." In fact, I've heard it many times now, so here's the reason why it never happens:

Senator Bob Brown, thanks for joining us.

Pleasure, and might I say you look particularly nice tonight.

Thank you.

Yes, that really is a.. spiffy number.

Thank you, it's the ABC's wardrobe and makeup department really.

Oh don't get me started on makeup! Oh Lordy me, don't you find mascara takes forever to apply!

Well, I.. I mostly just get the powder stuff to mask the sweat.. from all the lights.

Oh I bet it's from the lights you saucy devil. *winks*

*ahem* Can we.. start.. with the questions?

Sure, sure.

Mr Brown, as I'm sure you're aware, we here at the ABC will soon have to be very careful to seem unbiased, and some have suggested that even the satirists should be mocking yourself.

Sounds fair to me.

How can they do that?

How can they do what, Brian? Make fun of me? Well, I dunno, I'm not quite the raging comedian myself Brian.

That's just it Mr Brown, the Chaser team has resorted to toilet humor, they spent the last week trying to figure out how to link fart jokes to an attack on your person.

I don't fart Brian, bad for the ozone.

You don't do anything that people can parody.

Well, what do you suggest? What do the other politicans do that gets them parody time?

There's lots of things, hypocrisy and ill-thought-out policy for starters.

We've got that, we've got lots of crazy policies - just check the media. Fielding's got the low down.

Yes, but they're not actually crazy are they Senator?

No, Brian, they're thought through and sound.

So if they satire your crazy policies, they're mocking the media, and not you.

Well there's lots to parody there.

This is serious Senator Brown, we risk losing our license, and the small droplets of funding we manage to get from this government. We need the ability to make fun of you.

Should I get a funny walk maybe. Pull a face. There you go, I just pulled a face, get Dawe in here, he could do that one, it'll have them in hysterics after the 7:30 Report.

That wasn't a face Mr Brown.

Yes it was, look I'll do it again. See? Woohoo, Henderson will cream her pants with that.

Senator, you raised your eyebrows.

That's a face.

No it's not.

I think you'll find it's part of the face Brian, part of the facial structure, I used to be a doctor you know.

Yes Mr Brown, you're a short-haired, neat, sober, educated, sensible and boring politician.

I'm a poof too. You could do something with that. Like Little Britain: "I'm the only gay in the Senate."

You can't even do the voice.

I can't dress up like that chap either, new party rules - suit and tie, no fishnets. Ruined Wednesday nights for me. You ever been to a queer rave in a suit?

I can't say I have.

I mean it's alright if it's crotch-less...

... Senator Brown, this isn't funny.

Brian, I can't just enact some irrational policies for the amusement of people who only watch the ABC so they can see how biased it isn't anymore.

Why not?

I'm one man, I get one vote, I'd need to get a large number of members on board to being in crazy policy.

Senator Brown, we'll have to leave it there, we've run out of time. Coming up next, The Chasers' new series '30 Minutes of Compulsory Right-Biased Bob Brown Senate Speeches With Poignantly-Timed Canned Farts.'